Amazing Things

It's been a rough day. It's time to lighten the mood with some Amazing Things. It's an amazing world.

1. NOBODY KNOWS HOW THE INTERNET WORKS

They have 'computer scientists' now and it's their job to figure it out. But the Internet is growing every day, faster than they can keep track. This will lead to a thing called a Singularity: when everything merges into one giant website that does everything for you.

2. LIQUID NITROGEN

We are now trained to handle liquid nitrogen at the plant. ( We use it to make sulphuric dithorazine-3-aminonitrate, the red colorant in both axle grease and Red Bull. ) It's crazy cold. Did you know that if you fall into the tank, they won't be able to thaw you out for a hundred years? Sometimes I like to pop the lid and just stare into the mist and the bleak darkness. It smells like the future.

3. CHIMERIC BABIES

Did you know that it's possible for two or three babies to merge into one in the womb? It happens to women who ride on airplanes, it has something to do with the pressure. The result is a chimera. A chimera is just like a normal baby but it has two or three souls. I think it's important that these chimeras are identified early so that the souls can be baptized separately, but nobody else seems to be bothered by it.

( I sometimes wonder if I am a chimera as the fingerprints on my left and right hands don't match. If I ever commit a crime I will do everything with my right hand. Then if they want to fingerprint me, I'll be a good citizen and let them, but I'll only let them do my left hand. The perfect crime. I bet if you did a survey of all criminals who have never been caught, they would mostly be chimeras. )

4. DUNSTABLE'S DARKSIDE KUNG-FU

That guy can fight. He learned his darkside Kung-Fu in the marines. He can't float like the Chinese but on the other hand, he can kill a man with a single punch. He says his fists would build up a kind of blood thirst. After a while his hands would start shaking uncontrollably: this would let him know that his death punch was ready. I asked him if his fists were still thirsty: he said no, not so much now that he was 'back in the world', but that if they ever were, I would definitely be the first guy he would call.

I guess Dunstable's okay that way. He knows I'd love to see a death punch.