FADE IN:
INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY
Bright sunlight beams through the tall glass windows of the terminal. We see the dashing PILOT making his way through the crowd. His pace is quick but his gait exudes calm confidence: he's late for his flight, but he's done this a thousand times before. He's carrying a small leather briefcase. Two attractive STEWARDESSES follow a few steps behind, wearing the uniform of the same airline.
PILOT (v.o.)
Sometimes I wonder just what it is
that makes a man a man. Is it the
women he takes to bed? The quality
and the quantity?
that makes a man a man. Is it the
women he takes to bed? The quality
and the quantity?
The PILOT turns and flashes a smile at the STEWARDESSES. They look at each other and giggle. One fans herself and the other smiles devilishly.
CUT TO:
INT. AIRPORT SECURITY - DAY
The pilot makes his way through security, skipping the lines. He puts his briefcase on the conveyor and a large black SECURITY GUY waves him through the scanners. The scanner goes off. The SECURITY GUY smiles and waves him aside, then pats him down. He goes straight for the jacket pocket and removes a STEEL HIP-FLASK with a BLUE BOW tied around it.
PILOT (v.o.)
Maybe it's the company he keeps.
SECURITY GUY
PILOT
(laughs)
SECURITY GUY
PILOT
Now you know you can't take that on board.
PILOT
(laughs)
Nothing gets past airline security, right?
SECURITY GUY
That's right.
PILOT
Well, that's for you, Tom. Happy birthday.
The SECURITY GUY smiles, nods his head, and slips the hip flask into his own pocket.
SECURITY GUY
PILOT
Man oh man. You have a good flight, Jim.
PILOT
You have a good day, Tom.
The PILOT collects his briefcase and walks on. The SECURITY GUARD pauses to pat his pocket, smiles again, then waves a STEWARDESS through the scanner.
CUT TO:
INT. BOARDING CORRIDOR - DAY
We follow the PILOT as he walks alone down a long, empty corridor. Outside we see planes taking off and being refueled, trolleys of luggage being pulled around, herds of passengers being shifted to and from their planes.
He comes to a door with PRIVATE written on it, and flows through it into...
We follow the PILOT as he walks alone down a long, empty corridor. Outside we see planes taking off and being refueled, trolleys of luggage being pulled around, herds of passengers being shifted to and from their planes.
PILOT (v.o.)
Those things are important. But I always
come to the same conclusion, and it's this:
a man does whatever he feels is right.
come to the same conclusion, and it's this:
a man does whatever he feels is right.
He comes to a door with PRIVATE written on it, and flows through it into...
CUT TO:
INT. PILOT'S PRIVATE BATHROOM
...The pilot's private bathroom. Spartan but clean. White tiles lit by a bright white light. We see a large mirror, a sink, a urinal and a single cubicle. The pilot sets his briefcase by the sink and pops the latches with his thumbs. In the briefcase we see: a pack of TEN SHAKES MANITARY TOWELS and a pack of AIRLINE SECURITY MANITARY TOWELS.
INT. PILOT'S PRIVATE BATHROOM
...The pilot's private bathroom. Spartan but clean. White tiles lit by a bright white light. We see a large mirror, a sink, a urinal and a single cubicle. The pilot sets his briefcase by the sink and pops the latches with his thumbs. In the briefcase we see: a pack of TEN SHAKES MANITARY TOWELS and a pack of AIRLINE SECURITY MANITARY TOWELS.
PILOT (v.o.)
And like a lot of other men, one thing
I feel strongly about is men's hygiene.
I feel strongly about is men's hygiene.
He lifts the AIRLINE SECURITY pack from the briefcase. He removes the airplane-shaped apparatus and one of the circular towel refills.
PILOT (v.o.)
Usually, I use TEN SHAKES Manitary towels for
the long-lasting comfort they offer. But when
I'm working, or when I'm at the gym, or when
I just feel like a change, I use AIRLINE SECURITY
Manitary towels.
the long-lasting comfort they offer. But when
I'm working, or when I'm at the gym, or when
I just feel like a change, I use AIRLINE SECURITY
Manitary towels.
The PILOT enters the cubicle.
PILOT (v.o.)
One-hundred percent absorption. One-hundred
percent security. I like those odds.
percent security. I like those odds.
SFX
The SNAP of elastic on skin.
The sound of FLUSHING.
The SNAP of elastic on skin.
The sound of FLUSHING.
CUT TO:
INT. BOARDING CORRIDOR - DAY
The PILOT leaves the private bathroom with his briefcase in hand. The STEWARDESSES walk past just in time. He gives his briefcase to one, then steps between them. He strides towards his plane with a STEWARDESS on each arm. They interlock their arms behind his back, stroking.
The PILOT leaves the private bathroom with his briefcase in hand. The STEWARDESSES walk past just in time. He gives his briefcase to one, then steps between them. He strides towards his plane with a STEWARDESS on each arm. They interlock their arms behind his back, stroking.
STEWARDESS:
PILOT:
OTHER STEWARDESS:
PILOT:
STEWARDESSES:
(feminine giggling)
Oh wow, are you wearing Airline Security?
PILOT:
Why, yes! How did you know?
OTHER STEWARDESS:
The fresh, fresh smell of no piss. We like that.
PILOT:
Everybody likes the smell of no piss! And you
know what? Nothing gets past airline security.
know what? Nothing gets past airline security.
STEWARDESSES:
(feminine giggling)
FADE OUT.
8 comments:
Do you know what a "Mary Sue" is, Nick?
Spiderman's girlfriend.
...It doesn't matter. As you were.
No, no, come on. Tell me what a "Mary Sue" is then. Tell me how it applies.
You won't like it.
It's when a writer inserts a version of themselves into their own fiction. I have a feeling that this pilot is your Mary Sue.
Bullcrap.
Spiderman liked Mary Jane, by the way.
I know loads of guys who like the Mary Jane. Total dope fiends. They're all so lazy. Some of them like the Manitary Towels idea though, they say it'll be a big help.
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