That's IT

I am not talking to anyone at work any more.

I was at the plant this morning for E shift. I don't really know the E shift guys so I thought I'd start a conversation. First I tried talking to one of the guys (we'll call him Curtis) about the rotation of the Earth. He made it clear that he didn't want to talk about that to me but it turns out he was perfectly happy to tell the other guys what I had said, and now apparently I am some sort of 'dumbass'. Well Curtis, we don't all have 'High School Diplomas' like you, but I am not a dumbass. Far from it, I am probably the most intelligent person working at the plant.

And you are probably the most ignorant, Curtis.

So then we were having our coffee in the dining hall and I tried another tack. I haven't mentioned this before but I LOVE Rocky I to IV. So I started talking about Rocky and the other guys responded well. So I put a question to the table:

"Okay, which Rocky character do you look most like?"

To which NOBODY answered. They just looked at each other. After a few seconds Curtis said "why don't you tell us?"

So I did. I look like Ivan Drago because of my German and Slovenian roots. Except I have Irish eyes and a nose of unknown origin, maybe Cherokee. Curtis looks like Rocky because he's Italian and he has a busted nose (he was happy about this.) The old guy Billy looks like Adrian's brother Paulie because he's fat and has curly hair. Then I looked around the rest of the table and realised that Curtis had LAID A TRAP.

The other guys were like "come on Ivan, who do we look like?"

Uncle always said it's honesty makes a man a man. So I said, ok. "Apollo Creed, Apollo Creed, Apollo Creed, Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Apollo Creed."

All the Apollo Creeds laughed at the guy who looked like Clubber Lang, and he just fixed me with this dead stare like I'd said something about his mother.

So I don't know. That's NOT RACIST. My options were limited. I'm hardly going to say that a big black guy looks like Rocky's trainer Mickey, am I? Two of them even have moustaches. And if a guy is kind of short but really wide, and I think that out of all the Rocky characters he looks most like Clubber Lang, then what am I supposed to say?